Fent Fold [FENT-]

u'I saw a fent addict in a Walmart once as I was shopping for Benadryl, as I grabbed the bottle, he began to unfold.<br><br>At first, I thought it was just my eyes playing tricks on me. Maybe the fluorescent lights were too bright, or I was dehydrated from the 12 Diet Cokes I\u2019d downed in the last hour. But no, this man, this <i>legend</i>, was actually unfolding right in front of me like a human origami masterpiece.<br><br>One minute, he was a guy standing in front of the Red Bull fridge, looking confused like the rest of us at 3 a.m. in Walmart, and the next<i>\u2014WHOOSH</i>\u2014he began slowly unfolding from a hunched-over shape into a full human-sized sheet. I could hear the faint sound of paper crinkling as his limbs stretched out like a malfunctioning IKEA sofa.<br><br>I wasn\u2019t sure if I should call 911, or just get a video for the "Walmart Shitposts" subreddit. But I was mesmerized. He kept going\u2014arms extended, legs stretching like he was auditioning for a part in the next <i>Transformers</i> movie.<br><br>At one point, I thought he was going to start folding into a chair, like some kind of living recliner, but instead, he just folded his arms and took a seat on the floor. All this while the self-checkout machine was beeping in the background, like a modern-day hymn of the absurd.<br><br>The best part? He looked at <i>me</i>, nodded solemnly, and whispered, \u201cBenadryl will fix this.\u201d Then, just as quickly as it started, he folded up into the fetal position, turned into a human burrito, and rolled away.<br><br>I left the store, Benadryl in hand, unsure if I had just witnessed a man on fentanyl or some new type of Walmart employee training. Either way, I knew I\u2019d never look at the folding chairs in that aisle the same way again.'